my mouth tastes like poor choices
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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