Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Having a random hookup so left but love u
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
They have beer where we have blood.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
