OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I've blown a few things in my day
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
