i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
