you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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