before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i will never coherently bang her
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
