alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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