Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
