4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Randomize
