He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Semen is not good for contacts.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
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