Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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