I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
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I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
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At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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