I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
