I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
