I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
