My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
