I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
