He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
