Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
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Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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