she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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