I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
