I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
