Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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