I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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