How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It's official drugs can't kill me
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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