my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
