You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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