I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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