I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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