i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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