I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize