I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize