the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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