the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
