so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
