all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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