The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
