hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
