I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
