i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
