made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
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you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
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i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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