and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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