UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
