What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
