Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
