I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
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It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
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Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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