Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
