I think I died a long time ago.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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