So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
