Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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