I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
