I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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