Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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