i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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