just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
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You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
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List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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