I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
