I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
