Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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