i think my tv is drunk
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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