I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
