The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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