Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
