just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
