We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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