a queef is a wish your heart makes.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
