vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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